does everyone secretly have a stylist?
where we err when we get dressed, according to my stylist friend
A few years ago, I discovered that a number of my best-dressed friends, many with great taste and a healthy amount of discretionary income, had the subtle use of a stylist. It wasn’t shameful by any means, but it also wasn’t regularly talked about, a secret weapon that slipped into conversation from time to time.
Given my line of work, I didn’t get it at first. Why outsource something that’s fun? But slowly I started to notice a pattern. A chic Jacquemus bomber I hadn’t seen in stores, plucked for a friend by her stylist. A stunning dress from a brand I never would have considered for a fancy Venice wedding, chosen from a stack of options provided by … her stylist.
And then I started to think about all the back and forth text chains I’ve participated in over the years, of mirror photos and waffling over choices (hmmm i’d need to see it on) and styling dilemmas, and all the hours I’ve spent wondering the flat or the heel? and wondered if I was the one being frivolous with my time.
When I started slowly rebuilding my wardrobe earlier this year, for the first time in my life, shopping felt overwhelming. Not in a oh this feels like a drag kind of way but an emotional, crippling paralysis that gave way to panic attacks more than once. When you rebuild, you have to consider what you lost. And every time I looked at a black trouser or a slingback - the building blocks of my wardrobe - all I saw was the pieces I once had, a sucker punch of an old, static-y movie. Replacing them felt like a shitty motel affair. And subconsciously it may have signaled an acceptance that I wasn’t ready for.
I haven’t been very social in Palo Alto, but Jess Raiter, my stylist friend who I’ve written about before, has become the go-to resource for the fashionable set in the area, so I met her for lunch one day when she was in town. Perhaps she could sense I needed a push, a blueprint for a new sartorial life, because she started sending me links of things she thought I’d like.
wrote about using a stylist recently, a brave admission (IMO) for someone who is known for having great style. (Sidenote: Earlier this year, I vowed to stop washing my hair every day and I finally got out of the habit, literally only because of this Crown Affair dry shampoo). Sometimes even the best of us needs a collaborator. Getting dressed is a creative pursuit, after all.Though I’ve spent the last twenty years working in fashion and I thought I’d written, and read, every styling story angle possible, it was a relief to pass it off to someone else for a second. Jess is brilliant at dressing real women for real lives. Instead of sending me four sneakers, she’d send one. One that happened to be a very comfortable, very practical option that still fit my aesthetic world. Remember that Rodeo bag I can’t stop raving about? That was Jess.
We all fall into the trap of buying the same thing over and over again, and if left on my own, I would have ended up with a closet of black pants and ballet flats even though I’m old enough to know better.
For a little experiment, I polled some OOD readers on the items we can’t stop rebuying, and here are our very non-scientific results:
So to help us get out of our own tired styling tropes, I asked Jess to give us some of her wisdom.
OOD: What are three pieces most women do not have in their closet that they really should? (e.g. a belt, a white shirt, etc)
JR: You literally answered this for me! The most common gaps I see in my clients’ wardrobes when I first do a closet edit is a great fitting white tee, a belt and a jean they feel fabulous in. I wish I had a more ground-breaking answer but it really is that simple. With this basic foundation nailed, there are plenty of ways to make interesting outfits with a variety of use cases. My absolute go-to white tee is from Sold Out NYC. It offers structure while being super soft, has a great sleeve length and width, and is the perfect length to tuck without too much bulk. My favorite belts are from Dehanche. Their designs feel modern, yet classic, the quality is incredible and they offer custom sizing.
OOD: What are the most common things that women struggle with when getting dressed?
Not planning ahead is a big one. We all need to carve out some time at the start of each season to try things on, figure out what’s missing or needs to be replaced and create some go-to looks for the things we do frequently. The other big one is hanging onto ill-fitting, dated clothes. Too many women are wearing clothes that belong to old versions of themselves, when they led different lives and had different bodies. Let’s dress for the life and body we have now!
OOD: What are a few things you're eyeing for spring/summer?
JR: I’d love to say I’m just eyeing but in reality I’ve been buying! Lately I’ve scooped up this butter yellow Toteme suede shirt (Ed Note: the cornsilk Jess has is sold out but here is the brown, which just came back in stock. And here’s one for much less that achieves a similar look), which I was coveting for a while; this mesh Savette cutie; this Ruadh denim jacket; and this Else two piece swimsuit, which has such an incredible fit.
OOD: What are your tried and true brand to shop for clients? Ones with great fit, impeccable quality and clothes we want to wear.
I have a very diverse client roster so it really runs the gamut but there is a consistent stream of business being sent to Toteme and Khaite. This season Kallmeyer and Rohe have also been getting lots of love. (Ed Note: strong cosign for Kallmeyer and Rohe).
OOD: How did you get into styling?
I’ve always loved helping women get dressed but it never really occurred to me that styling was a viable career outside of editorial or celebrity (two areas I’ve never been interested in pursuing). I had various fashion jobs over 20+ years in NY & LA - retail, wholesale, e-comm fashion director - and styling was always that thing I naturally did as a byproduct, without really acknowledging that it was a valuable strength. A few years ago, I started charging for my services when my friends asked for help and a business was born! Pro tip - charge for your natural skills and it's called a job!
Rapid Fire!
OOD: Go-to look for a summer event?
JR: Right now I’m very into vest-inspired tops paired with gauzey, silky skirts. (Ed Note: Attersee does very chic vests and skirts).
OOD: The five most worn pieces in your own closet?
JR: Without question, #1 are these Row loafers.
#2. Celine Dylan jeans
#3. Toteme black blazer
#4. Hermes Herbag (Ed Note: here’s a cute one)
#5. Nour Hammour Hatti leather jacket (Ed Note: I have this one and cosign that Nour Hammer’s outwear is excellent. There is a rare sample sale onsite too).
OOD: Three objects of desire you're coveting?
JR: I’m going to treat this as my vision board…
#1. This Arielle Ratner bracelet
#2. This Brunello suede jacket, with the gauzey underlayer
#3. A large scale Rachel Mica Weiss woven screen in a Georgia O’Keefe palette from LE BENNETT
BITS & BOBS
From the world of design, culture and fashion
There’s a lot of disgruntled chatter about fashion co-opting design, but I for one am in full support of Charlotte Perriand becoming fashion’s new darling (think of what could happen at the other end of the spectrum!). First, Saint Laurent released a collection of unseen work from the modernist, and now one of her pieces sits in the Row’s (price upon request, obviously) newest offering of vintage furniture.
If I were decorating a Palm Beach house, this would go in it. As would this. (Someone please hire me to decorate your Palm Beach house).
So many collabs, so many capsules! I’ve always loved Moda (their curation is a delightful mix of luxury and discovery, and best of all, makes you want to have some fun). They’ve debuted a few capsules over the last few weeks that speak to an effortless summer mood, including By Malene Birger and Matteau. As usual, you have to comb through it a bit to find the gems but they’re there, and both brands are very wearable. Also thought the Argent x Margaux collab was very cute, especially the python ballet flats, which I feel could add a little pep to denim.
A BAY AREA BLACK BOOK
For stunning cashmere sweaters and jackets, with an option for made to measure: I recently discovered Lan Jaenicke through my very talented friend Caroline Lizzagra. She has two stores in San Francisco, one in the Presidio and one that doubles as her atelier in Jackson Square. The quality is impeccable and everything is made small batch. And while it offers an array of neutrals, it also makes double faced cashmere in the most gorgeous saturated hues of saffron, wine and aubergine.
For breezy separates and house dresses, released biannually: Sustainable production, a minimalist sensibility and quality fabrics, yes, but the magic of Perennial Sausalito is how the clothes feel when you put them on. Everything sits at that magical intersection of ease and tailoring, and you become the kind of person who owns an ivy covered writer’s cabin and whips up
‘s shallot pasta for dinner for one.For swoon worthy vintage and contemporary furnishings: Coup D’Etat has quickly become a necessary stop anytime I’m in their vicinity. The owners are the nicest (even when you have a four year old in tow), and their in house Coup Studio line is to die. Someone buy this couch (bonus if you get it upholstered in Dedar tigers like they did).
For fabulous homewares for a color drenched life: A jewel box of a store, at Found by Maja, you’ll find tableware from Laboratorio Paravicini, 1950s vintage decanters and Jean Roger artichokes. They recently did a pop up at the cult Field & Fort in Montecito. This isn’t quiet luxury, it’s a joyous embrace of life through color and whimsy. Plus, this little pocket of Sacramento Street, which also houses March, The Future Perfect and McMullen, is the ideal San Francisco afternoon. Btw, if you even tangentially know anyone who lives in the area, you will run into them at As Quoted.
FROM THE ARCHIVE
going shopping for nora ephron
(A note from NRB: When The RealReal reached out to work together on a story, I lost all semblance of cool. Most of my closet is vintage or consignment, and a TRR scroll is my favorite way to spend a bout of insomnia. Btw, if you’re still watching old episodes of Gossip Girl like I am, you’ll love their alter ego on Substack,
If you enjoyed this piece, please consider hearting below. It helps non-subscribers see this story. Also, if you click on something, I may earn a small commission You’ll see that I sometimes link to the same things as in past newsletters. That’s because if you buy something, I want you to wear it, and I think it’s helpful to see pieces you own in different contexts and outfits. Thank you!! xx NRB
Excellent! Great links. Thank you.
Per usual, a fun read with amazing links!